Taken from my latest book Entitle Me Not
Having kids changes you. Everyone knows that. But exactly how you change is anybody’s guess. Even though I told myself I would never be that parent, here I am, being that parent. It just happens, and it’s totally worth making fun of. Here’s a list of 7 things that the pre-parent me would never do.
- Waking up at 7am is somehow considered sleeping in. No joke, my wife and I were woken up by my toddler at 7am the other morning and my wife looks over to me and says, “at least we got to sleep in a little.”
- Sex with my spouse is now scheduled and shared on the calendar. Now that we have a million and one daily tasks, it’s only logical. F*ck romance.
- You talk to everyone like they’re a toddler. While hanging out with my manly adult friends at the bar, I excuse myself to the bathroom by saying I have to go pee pee in the potty. I then proceeded to climb out the bathroom window and run away.
- “Me time” is spent passed out on the bed. Want some extra personal time to read a book or watch a movie? Just don’t sleep at night and you’ll have all the time you need.
- I thought I’d have to protect my child from my pet. Nope, it’s quite the opposite. My once viscous attack cat now runs for her life at the first pitter-patter of small foot steps.
- Before I became a parent, I loved blowing up fireworks until midnight on the 4th of July. Now that I’m a parent, I’m ready to start a petition banning fireworks after 9pm as my toddler will not sleep!
- Before I was a stay-at-home dad, I worked hard, kissed ass, and made money. Now I work hard, wipe my toddler’s ass, and work for free!
Oh the life of a parent. What are some of the unusual and funny changes in your life now that you have kids? Please leave a comment below and share your story. Thanks for reading!
Add a Comment
nice! keep posting
So true. When you have a toddler at home, sleeping with your spouse becomes a dream and getting to sleep itself becomes the most cherished part of life. I like the way you have shared all these views in such a concise manner. I also liked that point about speaking to everyone as if they have toddlers.
This is so very true and any parent to a toddler is sure to feel every word of what you have written. I think parenting a toddler is quite a growing experience and it helps us evolve as humans. We develop a good deal of patience and learn to adjust more than ever. Keep sharing such nice posts.